The Abyss: 5 Things to Understand When You Start Questioning Everything

Experiencing a crisis is fiercely messy, often starting as a gentle nagging that something is amiss. As this realization expands, it disrupts the equilibrium and highlights the need for change. As a result, an internal crisis unfolds as uncertainty intensifies and we grapple with the knowing that a different path must be taken.

As the foundations of our identity are shaken, we find ourselves daring to ask, Who am I? What once felt familiar now feels questionable and what we previously considered safe no longer fits.

This is The Abyss.

The Abyss, in the simplest of terms, is not just a crisis, it’s a turning point that is deeply vulnerable. It lacks predictability and there’s an intensity that floods our nervous system. It feels endless, unforgiving and urges us to take immediate action. Yet, what’s next isn’t easily accessible and the solution feels out of reach.

While it doesn’t feel like it now, this crossroad holds an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. It stimulates a choice; the pressure to retreat and maintain the status-quo or embrace a raw, but uncertain, authentic transformation.

While the desire to lean into the unknown and courageously choose the latter exists, most of us fold under intense pressure. So, before we can align with the version of ourselves that wants to reorganize and emerge anew, we need to understand what’s happening.

Here are 5 things to keep in mind when you find yourself in the midst of The Abyss.

Disorientation: As you pendulate between your past and future self, there’s a disintegration before reintegration. It’s the in-between, prompted by a signal often felt in your body before your mind can make logical sense of what’s happening. It shows up as discomfort, restlessness, irritation, and an overall off feeling. There’s no need to rush this process. The work is to sit in and move with the overwhelming emotions and physical sensations. With proper attention, your body will intuitively guide you toward stability. Alignment begins when you stop resisting and start listening to what feels deeply true.

Grieve What Was: This piece asks for brutal honesty. It’s time to look back and name what no longer works. It might be a values mismatch, or a quieter disclosure: you’re no longer willing to settle for what once worked. To move forward, you must release the version of you that once kept you safe, but now keeps you stuck. This is where most people freeze. Change can be daunting, so it’s reasonable to cling to what feels familiar; systems that feel reliable, yet robotic and disconnected. Grief and humility both reside here. It’s time to honor the parts that adapted, protected and carried you this far, while accepting they’re not meant to lead you to your next destination.

The Power of Permission (Ditch the Shoulds): It’s time to focus forward and shift from What should I do? to What if? The shoulds are often internalized voices influenced by expectations, fear and parts of you trying to keep you safe. Permission, on the other hand, is different. It’s an invitation for you to dream, to create without restriction and to observe, with curiosity, what feels expansive versus constricting in your body. You don’t want to focus on getting it right or mitigating risk, you want to get closer to alignment. When you loosen the grip of judgement, your ability to take notice begins to lead. And in this space, you start to connect with what is truly yours versus what’s expected.

Playful Reconnection: This is where you begin to embrace your place at the crossroads. Not everything has to feel so heavy. It’s time to reconnect with parts of yourself that existed before the expectations and pressure. Parts of you that engage with curiosity and creativity, without overthinking every step. Play becomes a way back to yourself. It loosens control, quiets the noise, and creates space for something new to emerge. You’re not avoiding reality, you’re simply relating to it differently.

So, ask yourself again and again, What feels like me again?

Release Your Fierce: It’s time to start moving. Movement comes from an energy of calibration and balance, while urgency and chaos take a back seat. Further clarity comes from small, intentional steps. Remember, you don’t need perfect conditions; they rarely exist anyway. You’re choosing yourself in real time, even when discomfort surfaces or your reality feels unfamiliar. Those parts that previously hesitated haven’t left, yet their drive to take over lessens. Fierce is not synonymous with forceful. Fierce is daring to act, provoking the unknown, and excitedly moving forward in the face of mystery. Something deeper is waiting to be uncovered and it’s time for you to choose your edge.

The Abyss isn’t an ending, it’s where the old paves way for something different. While the path isn’t a perfect roadmap just yet, it’s often a journey where intentional shifts start to shape the version of you that is waiting to be discovered.